Instagram was just really a twinkle in my eye. I’d accepted and sent a lot of new friend requests to obviously like my school cohort. So my Facebook feed looked very very different indeed from then on, and it was from there that having managed by comparison to a point, a bit through denial a bit through being a bit overly nosy I suppose and a good day, didn’t tease me it was after that point that I woke up in this light Las Vegas of comparison, and it was all you know, by my comparison habit was always on there was always somebody to go John to visit be alerted to and overnight, it, it got to a depth and took hold of me in a way which probably lasted maybe one or two years actually and sparked on by what I could see my old school friends doing, and, you know, taking very much over the top way disproportionate interest in all of their lives, but also was reinforced by what we’re seeing around me and the other circles that kind of moved in as well. So, having really spiralled down for about 18 months or so perhaps a little bit longer. It came to a point, I remember it really well actually it’s sometimes funny you have these wakeup moments in your life, and I must say I think I can count the times I’ve had these wakeup moments, on one hand and I’m, you know, they ain’t now. And but I do remember that moment thinking this has to stop just staring at my phone. I think I was fully dressed, under the duvet on a lovely Saturday morning, and I was just looking at all the signs and feeling absolutely rubbish and I heard this voice really saying, This has to stop. Let’s stop here. And from that moment, as simple as it sounds but as complex as it has been, I realised or posed myself the question I suppose if I could think and feel myself into this. Can I think and feel myself out of that.
I’ve worked in the advertising industry at the time and so the first port of call for me was just Waterstones which is a bookshop in the UK. So the first port of call was a bookshop, then I would look on YouTube for motivational videos and this was, you know, eight years ago may as well have been 40 years ago, well being, industry in the UK, was not there basically. And as you might pick up from my big vowels, I’m from I’m from Leeds I was at a time very very London centric and very fragmented and that I kind of felt like I was really struggling for information, but I kept up the hunt for the info, and how you know, that kind of developed was books and videos and turned to attending short hour long workshops or perhaps a seminar, then perhaps going to London for a longer event. And then, you know, took me to Google to try and go further in my understanding started looking at trainings and qualifications and I never had the intention necessarily to be self employed ever I will say this to people a fair bit. And part of me wants to kind of, it sounds a bit disparaging say on no one’s more surprised than I am, I’m doing this I’m not now because I feel like I’m really my purpose, but I would never have described myself as entrepreneur, ever, ever, I believe that each of us has a you know a match, flame available to us of entrepreneurial spirit, and if you choose to look after that it can become a big roaring fire, but I was in corporate life, that’s where I thought all my time in my career was going to be, but I kept on getting these nudges which I know now are intuitive kind of cues that’s like right do this do that follow this now, look into this, or wouldn’t it be interesting if I found that new thought processes kind of coming in about what my future could be, and it was a process of following those very tentatively I never know that the day came when I realised I needed to leave my job but I never knew I was leaving that career. It’s just a few things that happened in that workplace or I’m not sticking around. From here, but that’s been sort of the journey to today in terms of following the next step then the next step then the next step, and giving myself the confidence to feel into what could be possible, and acting on that information so I wasn’t that person that resigned and then went full time it took me a few years to be full time in my business but it was a real process of discovery.
So things like and then forgive me if this makes your eyes roll fair enough, I’ll take the risk, but things like a gratitude journaling practice, things like going back to the spiritual texts, of which there are probably a few that really continue to speak to me like listening to things on Spotify to put me almost in this bubble of cocoon of regeneration and restoration. What we need to do in my opinion is to go back to that what makes us feel safe and secure and robust and build upon these things it’s from there anything else can come, so something I’ve learned is that my basics or my essentials are still my basics and my essentials, even though I’ve been on retreats, even though I’ve tried this, you know plant medicine or I’ve tried this for meditation or I know this teacher now, my basics and essentials will will stay. I will go back to those time and time again they’ll still serve me, which I think is why it’s so important that we each have, even if it’s not a daily routine. We each have a little toolkit, or small collection of things that we know look after our spirit, because that’s how I kind of, in July, how I felt was, you know there’s that. So it was that whatever makes us come back and feel okay and feel safe in the moment, I think it always gets my attention, no matter what and what I’m trying to get better at as well as sticking with those tools when times are good, rather than when I have to kind of hit the hit the emergency button on basically making them habitual.”
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